Quality Over Quantity – How to make lasting connections at events.
The meat of this post is a simple, yet often overlooked strategy that can help you relax at networking events, parties, and anywhere else you are surrounded by strangers and you feel like you HAVE to meet them all…
The secret is…You DON’T have to meet them all!
A friend of mine who is a top producer in one of the largest network marketing businesses invited me to a private party the other night that he was throwing in a penthouse suite of the Venetian hotel here in Vegas. He is a savvy businessman, brilliant entrepreneur, and is a genuine person from my experience with him. The party was for other top earners in his business, as well as a few people making their way to the top. Now understand that I am not involved in network marketing, his company, or anything. I simply went to visit a friend, with the open mindset that there are some other interesting people that will be there.
Upon arriving, I got to catch up with him for a few minutes, wish his beautiful wife a wonderful happy birthday, and then he was off to tend his other guests, as the gracious host he is (he knows how to get some great people together in a room and keep them all happy!).
Right before he left our conversation, he introduced me to another friend of his and said we should chat…so we did 
Here is where I got the title of this post from. I met a few other people there over the course of a few hours, but I REALLY got to know this one person. Hence, “Quality Over Quantity” 
I’ve had the same question asked of me in so many different ways, but it generally boils down to this, “Caleb, when I go to an event, how do I get to know every person in the room?” and I reply the same way every time…”You just can’t!” You can sure meet a lot of people, but there is an interesting thing that happens that has to do with focus. The power of focus is something I could (and probably will) write 10 or more posts about, but for the sake of brevity, I’ll give you the classic “Magnifying Glass and the Sun” analogy:
The sun is out every day, and humans walk around in it for hours on end. It can give us a tan or it can seriously burn us if we’re not careful. Now, take a magnifying glass and aim the sun through it at a piece of paper. In seconds you can burn holes in the paper. Why? Focus. The magnifying glass captures the intense and wide spread energy of the sun to a single focused point of condensed energy directed at the piece of paper. Now, back to the power of focus at events…
When you go to an event with 20 or more people, the odds of you getting to know more than a few people really well are slim. When you focus on connecting with just one person, the odds of you making a new friend, romantic partner, or business partner are raised dramatically! When you are focused on just one person for an extended period of time, and the conversation goes well with interesting things shared and laughs to be had, a relationship begins to build. Here are a few key things that happen in the relationship building process (there are many more, which I’ll elaborate on in future posts):
- Rapport
- Trust
- Entertainment
- Interest
- Intrigue
- Curiosity
- Opportunity
Also, please bear in mind that our human brains form impressions about others in milliseconds…I can’t find the original article to cite, but one I read a few months ago mentioned that our brains make 17-19 initial judgments about another person in .02 seconds of looking at them.
So now, knowing some of these key factors in relationship building, how do you think you can build each of those things to a high enough level to form a relationship that will extend beyond the walls of that room? The answer is focus (and follow up, but that’s another post). The act of focusing your attention on another person isn’t just a neat trick, or a great strategy to make business deals…it truly is a gift. Without going into an all out geeky ramble about how much of a miracle it is that we even have the ability to focus our attention, I’ll just say this: focusing your full attention on another person for more than a few minutes will make that person happy for hours after, if not days, and leave a positive anchor associated with you in their mind.
Our time is precious! I believe that our time is our most valuable asset, and we choose how we spend it each day. We can make money, lose money, and then make some more…but when it comes to our time, once we spend it, it’s gone. For you to be spending your valuable time reading the words I’m writing is a gift. You could be doing a million other things right now, but you are choosing to focus on me, and for that I am grateful
So, the next time you are at a networking event or other place where there a lot of people and you feel a bit stressed or anxious about meeting a bunch of them, just breathe and focus. Set your intention to get to know one person very well in the time you have together, and if there is a specific reason you came to the event such as meeting prospective business partners, keep in mind who and what you are looking for when engaging in conversation. And please, please, please…don’t be that shady person who is just after an end result and could care less about the other person. By truly caring about and focusing on the people you meet, you’ll find that opportunities you never dreamed possible will start to pop up with many different people.
Be real. Be raw. Be YOU.
Nice advice. Should I guess that this was a party my friend Mark H. hosted? I like what you are saying, Caleb. Real and long term, impacting relationships get built when you are fully present and connect on a deeper lever with the person next to you. If you try to meet everyone at the party you will also most likely look like that marketer who is just trying to put his business card in everyone’s hand and leave a very bad impression on everyone. The impact will most likely also be negative long term for your business. When you spend a good chunk of time connecting with one person, not only will they feel great about it, but you will as well. I will certainly practice it next time I am at a social gathering.
I’m drafting a blog post on a very similar topic, but must state here that sometimes one does attend a networking event where you should meet as many people as possible. Ask the individuals at the end of your 2-3 minute conversation if you can call them: Boom, new potential client.
That said I agree that spending time only with several individuals will yield relationships, but sometimes you need more than some new relationships: You need business.
I appreciate your post and thoughts – I look forward to reading your subsequent posts.
Well said, I go to a lot of networking events and I find that I have to do what is called cherry picking. I pick the people I want to connect with based on what they did or said at the event as well as the industry they are in and the likelihood that they will be a fit for my business or products.
@Diyana – Thanks! It was Mark’s party indeed
How did you know?! Thank you for your additional feedback too, anyone who comes across this post will benefit from the comments as well as the content.
@Douglas – Your perspective is appreciated and respected
Different times call for different measures, and as long as you know what you want/need going in, that is a great place to start. Lots of variables to consider, and I’m excited to explore many of them in future posts!
@AnnaLaura – Thank you! I love the term “Cherry Picking”…short and sweet and gets the message across. It’s great to see different names for very similar core strategies. I’m curious about the response based on gender…I’ll have to test and then report on here! For example, I have a feeling women will be more comfortable with the term “Cherry Picking” rather than the male oriented one I tend to use which is a “Hitlist”. Same strategy, different name. Figuring this kind of stuff out is so much fun!
Caleb,
I love this post, this has such great advice on how to pick good quality people to meet, spend time build a relationship with. This certainly was a great place to start and I am going to take this advice and use it my next event. Thanks so much.
Lori
A lot of good insights in your short article. I’m entering mid-sixties and over the years I have attended a number of conferences for as a corporate middle manager, as a high school teacher, as a churchman, and now as a marketer. I wish I had taken more care and time to make the lasting friendships at such events that you have described. I was typically focused on the new information to be learned from the speakers or workshops, forgetting what could be learned from relationships with others. So this is good stuff. We can all make the best of the new opportunities we have yet to experience. (BTW I looked up your blog after hearing Katie Frieling interview you. I look forward to more good stuff here!.)